7K
/qu J
7K
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英文已如此搞笑,翻译却更加残暴..... 7K
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7K
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7K
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1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a 7K
/qu J
bike and asked for forgiveness. 7K
/qu J
开始我直接求上帝赐辆自行车。 后来我琢磨上帝办事儿不是这个路数。 于是老子偷了一 7K
/qu J
辆然后求上帝宽恕。 7K
/qu J
7K
/qu J
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming a 7K
/qu J
nd yelling like the passengers in his car. 7K
/qu J
我希望能像爷爷那样,安静地在睡梦中死去…… 而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一 7K
/qu J
样死法啊! 7K
/qu J
7K
/qu J
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you 7K
/qu J
with experience. 7K
/qu J
你永远不能战胜一个纯SB,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你 7K
/qu J
7K
/qu J
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. 7K
/qu J
直译:在这个世界上,我最不愿意做的事就是伤害你,但是这件事仍在我的考虑之列。 7K
/qu J
意译a:我真不想伤害你,但你也别逼我。 7K
/qu J
意译b:吾虽不杀伯仁,伯仁由我而死。 7K
/qu J
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong... 7K
/qu J
a. 如觉嘿咻乃屁眼不能承受之痛,那是你操错洞... 7K
/qu J
b. 若XXOO是下体的痛,那么,是你操错。 7K
/qu J
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 7K
/qu J
a. 早起滴小鸟有虫虫!晚到的老鼠有奶酪! 7K
/qu J
b. 早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃。 7K
/qu J
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police. 7K
/qu J
在咱们这噶哒送外卖的都比警察来的快. 7K
/qu J
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd 7K
/qu J
better have a good hand. 7K
/qu J
XXOO就象打桥牌。 如果对手不好使,自己的手必须好使。 7K
/qu J
9、 Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you ca 7K
/qu J
n't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs. 7K
/qu J
有些人就像 Slinkies (弹簧玩具),没什么实在用处,但看他们在楼梯上倒腾来捣腾去 7K
/qu J
还是很有喜感。 7K
/qu J
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be chan 7K
/qu J
ged regularly, and for the same reason. 7K
/qu J
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是:他们都很有规律地被替换,而且因为同一个理由——脏 7K
/qu J
了!! 7K
/qu J
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left. 7K
/qu J
战争不能决出正义,但能判出哪方出局。 7K
/qu J
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship 7K
/qu J
. 7K
/qu J
a. 女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的! 7K
/qu J
b. 女人假装高潮以获取真实的感情;男人假装感情以获取真实的高潮。 7K
/qu J
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. 7K
/qu J
我们永远不可能真正的成熟,我们只是学会在众人面前装逼。 7K
/qu J
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erectio 7K
/qu J
n, make him a sandwich. 7K
/qu J
男人就两种状态:饿 和 性饥渴。 要是他不硬,就给他个三明治! 7K
/qu J
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright unt 7K
/qu J
il you hear them speak. 7K
/qu J
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B... 7K
/qu J
7K
/qu J
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. 7K
/qu J
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都没看出其中笑点。 7K
/qu J
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. 7K
/qu J
曾以为我想要的是职业,结果发现我只是想要工资。 7K
/qu J
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payment 7K
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s. 7K
/qu J
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~ 7K
/qu J
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. 7K
/qu J
XXOO并不是结论而是个问题...爽不爽才是答案... 7K
/qu J
20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to 7K
/qu J
tell you why it isn't. 7K
/qu J
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头,再告诉你你为什么好不了。 7K
/qu J
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole 7K
/qu J
box to start a campfire? 7K
/qu J
直译:一根火柴能点着整片森林,一盒火柴也生不起个营火,这咋回事! 7K
/qu J
意译:想当年哥戴套都能让人怀孕,看今朝叔竟然去看男科 7K
/qu J
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoy 7K
/qu J
s it? 7K
/qu J
如果4/5的人在忍受腹泻的痛苦,那剩下1/5咋回事?很享受吗? 7K
/qu J
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fr 7K
/qu J
uit salad. 7K
/qu J
直译:知识就是说你知道西红柿是一种水果;智慧就好似不要把它放进水果沙拉里。 7K
/qu J
意译a:知识就是告诉你说应该把鸡蛋放进篮子,智慧则是叫你不要把所有鸡蛋都放进一个 7K
/qu J
篮子。 7K
/qu J
意译b:所谓知识就是知道韩少和小四都属于80后,但智慧告诉你这终还是男女有别~ 7K
/qu J
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. 7K
/qu J
上帝瞅着咱们呢,大伙好歹喜感点吧! 7K
/qu J
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the 7K
/qu J
same night. 7K
/qu J
无论,在任何情况下,永远,不要在一个夜晚,同时吃,安眠药,和通便灵。 7K
/qu J
26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian 7K
/qu J
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端,不是为了成为一个素食者。 7K
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27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops 7K
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. On my desk, I have a work station.. 7K
/qu J
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站… 7K
/qu J
28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong. 7K
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要是我听你的,咱俩就都2B了。 7K
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29、 Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captiv 7K
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ity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw the 7K
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m fish? 7K
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海豚可聪明了你知道不?只要驯养几个星期,它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃 7K
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了。 7K
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30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxin 7K
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g. 7K
/qu J
a. 下棋,我不行;玩跆拳道,电脑不行! 7K
/qu J
b. 下象棋电脑把我玩得团团转,拳击我能把机箱踹得七零八散! 7K
/qu J
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implan 7K
/qu J
ts?" 7K
/qu J
瞅见个姐姐,胸前衣服上写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句:“...隆过?” 7K
/qu J
32、 Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk 7K
/qu J
and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut- 7K
/qu J
up. 7K
/qu J
孩子就是:你先花2年,教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。 7K
/qu J
33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, bu 7K
/qu J
t check when you say the paint is wet? 7K
/qu J
为什么当你说天上有400亿星星时他不怀疑,却偏要检查你所说的“油漆未干”? 7K
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34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove al 7K
/qu J
l doubt. 7K
/qu J
a. 宁愿闭嘴当傻瓜,也别学乌鸦乱呱呱。 7K
/qu J
b. 越解释越SB,不说话最NB。 7K
/qu J
c. 剽悍的人生不需要解释 7K
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d. 宁可闭口被人当SB,也不张口解释所有疑。 7K
/qu J
35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don' 7K
/qu J
t need it. 7K
/qu J
银行就是当你证明了你不需要钱的时候可以借钱给你的地方 7K
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36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does. 7K
/qu J
a.对你的问题哈哈大笑吧,别人都在这么做。 7K
/qu J
b. 你有什么不开心的?说出来给大家开心开心。 7K
/qu J
37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! 7K
/qu J
a. 我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天,但那些话真TM有用! 7K
/qu J
意译:我幻想的低吟不一定是真的,但足够让我意淫 7K
/qu J
38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 7K
/qu J
a. 无愧于心哈?记性不好吧? 7K
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意译b: 自从那次在人妖身边醒来,每次去夜店我都提醒自己“一定要戴眼镜……” 7K
/qu J
c. 意识清醒了,意味着不堪回首了。 7K
/qu J
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught. 7K
/qu J
a. 所谓的好姑娘,咳!就是还没被群众抓到的JP女····· 7K
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b. 想立牌坊就得会装 7K
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40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame. 7K
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临危忽然微笑的那谁,定是找到替罪羊鸟~ 7K
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41、 Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with 7K
/qu J
a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 7K
/qu J
如果女人能做到以秃顶和啤酒肚在大街上晃还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等 7K
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。 7K
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42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. 7K
/qu J
小腿上的骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。 7K
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43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad gi 7K
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rls live. 7K
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圣诞老人当然美,他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊! 7K
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44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is resear 7K
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ch. 7K
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剽窃一个人的叫剽窃,剽窃许多人的叫研究。 7K
/qu J
意译:窃钩者诛,窃国者为诸侯。 akw,P$i
45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go. akw,P$i
有些人一来大家就开心了;有些人一走大家就开心了。. akw,P$i
46、 I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a akw,P$i
great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot. akw,P$i
我发现,我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时,我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨 akw,P$i
叫声是一样滴。 akw,P$i
47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets. akw,P$i
直译:你若是挤满人的电梯里的小矮人,肯定能嗅出不同的味儿。 akw,P$i
意译:灵感来自于所站的角度与众不同。 akw,P$i
48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you. akw,P$i
我可没怨你!我是在谴责你! akw,P$i
49、 Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergenc akw,P$i
y, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do? akw,P$i
当我填表的时候,有一项是“紧急情况联系:” 我填上了“医生”,到时候我妈能帮上什 akw,P$i
么忙?! akw,P$i
50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many. akw,P$i
上帝一定倍儿爱SB,不然他造这么多!!!!!!! akw,P$i
51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful akw,P$i
man is usually another woman. akw,P$i
每一个成功的男人背后都有一个女人。每一个翻了船的成功男人背后往往是另一个女人。 akw,P$i
akw,P$i
52、I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and akw,P$i
a shot of tequila. akw,P$i
生活对于我来说是小菜一碟,我通常就着盐和柠檬,再来一小杯烈性酒。 akw,P$i
意译a:生活,是一团麻......绳,......再加一根蜡烛......一柄皮鞭。 akw,P$i
意译b: 生活,不就是先狂吃菜,然后把烈性白酒一饮而尽? akw,P$i
53、The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's rea akw,P$i
lly in trouble. akw,P$i
直译:小孩子要中间名,纯粹是为了让他知道他啥时候真的有麻烦了。 akw,P$i
直译a:起个全名就为了揍孩子前可以底气十足地喊出来。 akw,P$i
意译b:贾君鹏这名字就为了让他妈喊他回家吃饭! akw,P$i
54、It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end. akw,P$i
跳楼的时候,“啊——”的时候还没死,“啪!”那才是死了。 akw,P$i
55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. akw,P$i
人工智能从来敌不过天然请勿使用不良词语。 akw,P$i
56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat. akw,P$i
直译:不要用眼镜腿来打男人,用棒球击杆。 akw,P$i
意译: 要下手就得狠,甭来毛毛雨。 akw,P$i
57、There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can' akw,P$i
t get away. akw,P$i
直译:要想留住谁,在抱摔的时候有一条细线区分出你是否为高手。 akw,P$i
其他译法:抱摔是留不住女人的,搂抱才管用。/抱和爆是有区别的。 /推倒和拥抱是有微 akw,P$i
妙的区别的哟!/拥抱和柔道里的压制是有区别的! akw,P$i
58、A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist. akw,P$i
所谓砍价,就是这东西虽然你不需要,但价格太好必须要买下来! akw,P$i
59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. akw,P$i
绝对不要和长得丑的争执,他们已经没什么可输的了。 akw,P$i
60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. akw,P$i
我的观点或许改变了,但我是正确的这一事实却亘古不变。 akw,P$i
意译:我们要搞共产主义,也要搞有中国特色的社会主义。 akw,P$i
61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He akw,P$i
said okay, you're ugly too. akw,P$i
心理医师:你神经病!!! 我:能说点别的吗? akw,P$i
心理医师:好!!而且你真TM丑!!! akw,P$i
62、 A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get marri akw,P$i
ed?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." akw,P$i
一单纯傻儿子问他爹:“爸,结婚到底要花多少钱啊?”他爸说:“儿啊,我真不知道.. akw,P$i
.没看见我还在交钱吗?” akw,P$i
63、 Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't akw,P$i
beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you akw,P$i
will have the element of surprise. akw,P$i
有人说“打不过,就合作”。我说“打不过,也要打”。因为丫们指望你加入,得来点惊 akw,P$i
喜~! akw,P$i
64、When in doubt, mumble. akw,P$i
脑子不好使的话,你就嘟囔。 akw,P$i
不明白的话,哼哼试试。 akw,P$i
65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good. akw,P$i
我已决定长生不老,目前为止,感觉良好。 akw,P$i
66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wis akw,P$i
h they were akw,P$i
好客就是:让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样,尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。 akw,P$i
67、If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you! akw,P$i
跳伞是这样一种运动:不成功则成仁! akw,P$i
68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer. akw,P$i
电视侮辱你的智商,电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在! akw,P$i
69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil. akw,P$i
知识就是力量,力量会邪恶化。那么就好好学习当大魔王吧! akw,P$i
70、Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. akw,P$i
钱买不来幸福,但有了它,痛苦的日子会好熬一点。 akw,P$i
71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back. akw,P$i
跟悲观主义者借钱吧!他反正不指望你还!!! akw,P$i
72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen. akw,P$i
担忧真的好使!!老子担心的事儿90%都没发生!! akw,P$i
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone. akw,P$i
贞操如泡影,一戳无踪影。 akw,P$i
74、Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. akw,P$i
这年头,连怀旧都不如从前够味儿了。 akw,P$i
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine. akw,P$i
只要主义真,猪也成超人。 akw,P$i
信春哥 ,得永生 akw,P$i
76、I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. A akw,P$i
fter all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch. akw,P$i
我早就该知道我跟我EX没戏!归根结底,我是天枰她是JP! akw,P$i
77、Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're stil akw,P$i
l here." akw,P$i
豪马克卡上的话:没有你我痛苦万分,正如你就在此处。(没有女人冷冷清清,有了女人 akw,P$i
鸡犬不宁) akw,P$i
78、You're never too old to learn something stupid. akw,P$i
越活越2~ /活到老,2到老 akw,P$i
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that yo akw,P$i
u will look forward to the trip. akw,P$i
直译:外交家们说让你下地狱的时候,措辞也好像你正巴不得来这么趟旅行。 akw,P$i
80、 I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going akw,P$i
to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yea akw,P$i
h? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." akw,P$i
我和个壮汉闹急了。 他:老子非得用你丫脸把地给擦了!!! 我:你会后悔的!! 他: akw,P$i
噢?真哒?怎么讲? 我:呃,边边角角的地方你擦不到!!! akw,P$i
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagi akw,P$i
nation whatsoever. akw,P$i
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵,有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼,其他人只是没有这种想象力而已 akw,P$i
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. akw,P$i
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~我TMD死盯着它几个小时了啊! akw,P$i
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control. akw,P$i
枪支管理不是问题,SB管理才是问题 akw,P$i
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. akw,P$i
女人或许击得并不重,但她们击得更低..... akw,P$i
女人总是能击中男人的要害。 akw,P$i
85、Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. akw,P$i
直译:记着吧……世界要不恶心,我们早被吐掉了。 akw,P$i
别抱怨了,这个世界要是真和谐了,我们这种人就不应该存在~ akw,P$i
意译:你们TMD给我记住:没有和谐社会,你们早让美帝国主义给糟蹋了! akw,P$i
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole. akw,P$i
上帝蜀黍疼你,只是大家都觉得你2B而已 akw,P$i
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. akw,P$i
a. 过去老子左右为难。现在老子优柔寡断。 akw,P$i
b. 我曾是个怀疑论者,现在我很怀疑这一点。 akw,P$i
c. 过去我难以决断,现在我不大确信是否还是如此。 akw,P$i
88、I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die. akw,P$i
老子打死都不信流血5天还不挂的物种。/老子打死都不信娘们儿。 akw,P$i
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on akw,P$i
your pants. akw,P$i
直译:如果你始终脚踏实地,那就别想穿裤子了。 akw,P$i
意译:人太老实没法活。 akw,P$i
90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit th akw,P$i
e target. akw,P$i
别人是指哪儿打哪儿,我是打哪儿指哪儿。 akw,P$i
91、 You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and akw,P$i
there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often. akw,P$i
好吧,既然这艘船要沉了,救生衣又只有一件,我就勉为其难的虚伪一下,你对我来说实 akw,P$i
在是不能再好的朋友了...我一定会经常想念你滴~!!! akw,P$i
92、Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a g akw,P$i
arage makes you a car. akw,P$i
站在车库的你并不会变成一辆车是吧?所以站在教堂的你也不会变成基督徒。 akw,P$i
93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. akw,P$i
世界总是在变,但我却怎么也便不出来。 akw,P$i
意译:人生何处不杯具,唯有面对饮水机。 akw,P$i
94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have m akw,P$i
ore than one child. akw,P$i
假设我们会吃一堑,长一智,为什么总有人生了一个还会生? akw,P$i
akw,P$i
95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when y akw,P$i
ou are in it. akw,P$i
公车总在被追赶的时候的速度要比你在里面时的速度快两倍。 akw,P$i
一旦你在公车后面追,它的速度就会变得比你在里面所感觉得快。 akw,P$i
akw,P$i
96、Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one. akw,P$i
发明“鼠动无声”这词儿的哥们一定没踩上过一只。 akw,P$i
97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydi akw,P$i
ve twice. akw,P$i
过了河也别拆桥,没准你还要回来呢。 akw,P$i
98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in akw,P$i
the taste. akw,P$i
口腔体温计和菊花体温计有啥不同?尝尝看就知道了 akw,P$i
akw,P$i
99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department us akw,P$i
ually uses water. akw,P$i
以暴治暴,不如以抱治爆。 akw,P$i
akw,P$i
100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast. akw,P$i
直译:记着,如果你在嘿咻后冒烟了,证明你整得太快了。 akw,P$i
akw,P$i
akw,P$i
akw,P$i